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Screeds Are Not Stories

Hello there!

My name is Stefan Milićević and I am a slush reader. This is the part where you all stand up and say “Hello, Stefan“ in a reassuring voice. Do it. Seriously. Do it now. I am a gentle soul.

Anyway, a few days ago I joined the Flash Fiction Online team and I slushed some twenty or thirty stories. Anna told me to do so, or I’d get the hose again. While I am a newcomer, I did notice a certain type of story I’d like to talk about. It appears to be a recurring problem so I figured I might as well try to address it. Also writing a blog post makes me feel better about talking to the voices in my head.

Let’s talk about screeds for a second. Screeds are not stories. Oh, sure sometimes they like to pass themselves as such, but it is painfully obvious when they do. If a robot in a trenchcoat asks you to take him to your leader you wouldn’t be fooled. Sure, he got the vocabulary down, but his pronunciation is off, and the antennae poke out under his trilby hat. He’s still a robot… and this analogy is still tortured.

So recently I chanced upon a story that was essentially a screed against Catholics. Punchline? Well, while I may not be a practicing one, I was raised Catholic. My mother is a Catholic and my grandparents are. When this story gently elbowed me in the ribs and tried to get me to chuckle about those whacky Catholics and how they are the very reason why the world is going to hell, I was not amused.

Trust me, this has nothing to do with my personal predilections. The story might have tried to tear Methodists, Muslims or pet store owners a new one and my reaction would have been the same. These days it’s become fashionable to bemoan the dreaded PC police and I imagine some people feel they have to tiptoe around their opinions when writing.

Here’s the thing though: challenging something and being outright hateful and dismissive are two different things. One takes effort, the other does not. Thinly veiled hate speech is not publishable material.

There’s a couple of reasons for this:

People who read this magazine come from all walks of life. Stories that feature dogmatic hobby horse topics paint with the broad brush of generalization and that is unfair.

Screeds tend to ignore plot and characterization. That is just bad writing.

Reading a screed tells me right off the bat that the author ignored the submission guidelines.

This venue is inclusive in the sense that it allows any genre and multiple submissions. The list of things that the staff considers a hard sell is short. I consider that a great courtesy of the magazine (and don’t forget the professional rates). Following submission guidelines is a way to repay that courtesy.

Hardcore cynicism tends to be a hard sell as well. These are screeds as well and they condemn not any particular race, religion or political ideology – no, no, no. These stories condemn the human race. It’s all hubris, cruelty and decay; cats and dogs living together.

Sure, TV, movies and video games have become quite dark as of late, but that’s neither here nor there.

The important question to ask oneself when writing a story where everyone is despicable and humans are the source of all evil is this:

“Do I really believe that?“

Have we humans done terrifying things? Of course we did. We are not strangers to kindness, generosity and love either.

Here’s a good rule of thumb when it comes to writing, and I do believe it applies to life in general:

“Nothing is absolutely so.“

What are you saying? That’s Sturgeon’s law? Damn it, here I thought I was being original. I feel so sheepish I might as well start to bleat.

There you go! I hope this post has been helpful. Happy writing folks. I can’t wait to read your story!

Stefan Milićević is a writer from Bosnia and Herzegovina. He has been published in venues such as Mirror Dance and Golden Visions. He is fluent in five languages and has traveled through most of Europe (much to the dismay of all Europeans). In 2011 he attended Cat Rambo’s editing classes and in 2012 he graduated from the University of Banja Luka. When he is not reading or writing, he is playing Go or Magic the Gathering. He is mostly harmless.

 

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I Need Your Help… aka Save Me From Snorting

I need your help.

No, I haven’t fallen down a well. Or been possessed by a disembodied phantom (though that would make for a fabulous story).

But I need you. Yes, you. Right there. Not someone else. Not the person you could share this post with. Or their Aunt Mabel.

You.

Because you’re my reader. And that means you have a vested interest in Flash Fiction Online and the FlashBlog.

You see, Flash Fiction Online and the FlashBlog are free. As in, you don’t have to put a credit card number in the tiny box and push pay. You don’t have to insert quarters into the DVD drive of your laptop (PS. It doesn’t work. My three year old tried it. Took him $1.25 and the Geek Squad to learn that it doesn’t make change. And they thought *I* put the quarters in. Seriously. Because grown women looove to put quarters in DVD drives.. Sorry. Rant over.)

Yes. The magazine you know and love is free.  And our authors are paid professional rates. Most of our staff are writers. We know firsthand how little writers are actually paid. And writing takes work. And time…oodles of time. Staring at the screen. Plotting. Planning. Writing. Re-writing. Critiquing. Throwing it all out and starting again… You get the idea.

We believe we should actually PAY writers for what they do. They’ve honed their craft enough to produce the beautiful stories we bring you every month. They deserve every penny I pay them and then some.  Many magazines only pay a fraction of what we do. Or nothing at all. Some places even ask writers to pay them to be published (Yes, really. Don’t do that. But that’s another post.)

So how do you take a free magazine and shake enough coins out of its pockets to pay for three professional stories a month? Plus custom illustrations and web hosting fees and all the other little dribs and drabs that add up?

Well, that’s where I’m hoping you come in.

Flash Fiction Online has teamed up with Patreon, an amazing crowd-funding site that pairs donors with creators. We’re looking for donors willing to pledge a certain amount for every new issue that we produce. And you set that amount based on your own budget (and the luminous generosity of your sweet, sweet spirit… overkill? Yes? Sorry. I’m trying here.)

Better yet, there are individual rewards and incentives for the magazine as a whole. If Flash Fiction Online reaches a donor level of $300/month the heavens will open and a winged pegasus will… Nah.  Actually we’ll add a fourth story twice a year for you. Way better and far less smelly.

On an individual level, for $2/month, you get an ongoing e-subscription for Flash Fiction Online delivered directly to your inbox in either epub, PDF, or mobi format.

Or… drum roll…  my favorite and something we have requests for on a regular basis… starting at $10/month, you can send in your own manuscript and have it critiqued by FFO’s senior staff (including She Who Wields Great Editorial Power aka Suzanne Vincent herself).

So. Moment of truth.

To donate: Click here.

Please don’t reduce me to grovelling. It’s not pretty. The mascara begins to look like a raccoon and I get the worst crying face ever. And I snort. Yes, I confess. I’m a snorting, sniffling beggar. Don’t make me do it.

If you can’t help us out, don’t worry. I won’t snort at you. I still love you just because you love us enough to have read this far. But I will ask a favor. Share this link on your favorite form of social media for me. (Let the whole world know about my little sniffling problem. Great…)

Help us get the word out. Donate if you can. But most of all, keep reading!

All my best,
Anna Yeatts,

Publisher

Flash Fiction Online

 

 

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Why I Won’t Buy a Story Off Your Blog

I’ve been puttering around over on the Flash Fiction Online side of things (not really… I’ve been busting arse getting tomorrow’s issue loaded but that’s beside the point..) and I’ve noticed quite the trend. Over on the Submissions page, I’m getting a lot, and I mean bucket loads, of questions about digital publication rights, specifically first digital publication rights.

Some of you are asking what are digital publication rights? They’re the copyrights to the online version of a story.

First digital publication rights means that I, the publisher, gets to be the first person to ever (and I mean EVER…ever, ever, ever, as in never before seen the light of a laptop screen.. but more on that in a second..) publish a story online.  Because Flash Fiction Online only buys FIRST digital rights.  Not second, third, or fourth…which are known as reprints. Some magazines do. And that’s spiffy dandy. Heck, it’s better than that. It’s fantasmic because that means authors make more money, and as an author myself, I’m all for that.

But FFO does NOT buy reprints. ONLY FIRST DIGITAL RIGHTS.

If you have ever typed out your story and posted it in any of the following ways:

  1. Twitter
  2. A blog post
  3. Facebook
  4. Tumblr
  5. Reddit
  6. Pinterest
  7. A non-password protected web forum
  8. Self published
  9. As part of a longer work that fits any of these categories
  10. Anywhere else on the internet where people can read it without you sending it privately to them via email or protecting the contents with a password
  11. Anywhere else that I can’t think of including but not limited to glowing lunar landers with scrolling data bars or automatons resembling Jimmy Kimmel with Android screens in place of their eyesockets.

THEN YOU HAVE LOST YOUR FIRST DIGITAL RIGHTS

Even if you have now deleted said piece from its online home, those rights have still been lost. If you posted it, you published it. And by publishing it, you used your first digital publication rights.  Which means, we can’t buy them… because you already used them.

First digital rights are like a uber cool, special literary smoothie. And once you drink that uber-cool smoothie, it’s gone. Some publications like second round smoothies. But here at FFO, we only buy uber-cool special smoothies.

Now, you may think you’re sly. That you’re Twitter feed was sooooo last year and that we here at FFO will never know that your story appeared on it.  That we’ll buy your story and publish you and you’ll go onto great things and you can pass off your second-hand smoothie in place of uber cool special smoothie.

And you might.

But….. the publishing world is not as big as you might think. And you know how you hear that the one person you don’t want to make angry is your editor? Well, the other person you don’t want to make mad is your publisher because we write the paychecks. Trust me. If we find out that you’ve sent us a second hand smoothie and I’ve paid you for an uber-cool smoothie, not only are you in violation of contract but your name becomes quite recognizable among a very small group of people who you’d probably like to sell stories to again in the future.

And there’s this beautiful thing called Google.  It’s amazing what you can find.

So do not, whatever you do, I repeat, DO NOT send stories that have seen the light of the internet to FFO. And before you send them anywhere else, I highly advise you to check the submission guidelines and label re-prints accordingly.

My best advice: go write a brand new, uber-cool smoothie and submit it!

Anna
Publisher,  Flash Fiction Online
annayeatts.com

 


If you enjoy Flash Fiction Online, consider subscribing or purchasing a downloadable copy. Your donations go a long way to paying our authors the professional rates they deserve. For only $0.99/issue that’s cheaper than a cup of coffee. Or subscribe for $9.99/year.

https://weightlessbooks.com/format/flash-fiction-online-12-month-subscription/

Micro Fiction – The Art of the Short Short

Flash Fiction Online obviously celebrates the art of writing stories within the constraints of a maximum of 1,00o words. I think most of us, if not all, can agree that flash fiction pieces that are written well, manage to follow a momentous tale from beginning to end seamlessly, in which a character shows growth/change.

This poses the question, what about stories that are less than 1,000 words, let’s say a few sentences at most, can they have an entire movement too?

I read this great list on BuzzFeed about 17 stories you can read now. Micro fiction, short shorts, wonderful tiny stories! I thought it would be a neat to get some thoughts from people here at FFO on why some of these stories work. Here are what some of your fellow behind the scenes editors and staff had to say:

“I think these really short flash stories work because they find a way to tap into universal emotions using some kind of short cut; through a common image, behavior, experience, or language with which most people are familiar. The words chosen are simple, but precise, and a great deal is left to the reader’s imagination through their own experiences. So, the story is grounded in the familiarity, the emotions that tend to accompany that, and then the author twists the story away from our expectations with some new idea or emotion.

Some twists are bigger than others, like #1 and #5. With Hemingway’s flash story, we start with nostalgia about childhood and family, and end with a tragedy. A similar thing with Merilee Faber’s “Love is Forever,” it starts with young romance but ends unexpectedly with tragedy. With the last one, “Widow’s First Year” by Joyce Carol Oates, there’s a much smaller twist. We expect grief from the title, but we also get perseverance and survival.” -Denise Ganley

“I’ve dabbled very briefly in stories this short. Okay, once. Some of these are more complete as stories than others, which begs the question, ‘ What exactly is a story?’ To me a story consists of a plot with a resolution. In some of these, plot and resolution are non-existent. So are they still stories? Is something of 10,000 words without plot or resolution a story?

Of these given examples, the ones that work, for me at least, are the ones in which plot and resolution are there, though deeply implied. They have to be. There is no room for overt setting or situational or character development. However, the story can’t be SO deeply implied that the story has no meaning.

So some of these stories work for me as stories. Others fall into the category of vignette, which can be a joy to read, as satisfying as great poetry or masterworks of the visual arts, but, arguably, aren’t really stories.

Hemingway’s classic ‘baby shoes’ is a perfect example of the micro-story that works. It cuts straight to the heart and accomplishes by implication a massive and multi-layered story of heartbreak and love, of a lifetime lived with struggle and triumph, loss and acceptance. For me, no matter the length of the story, that’s what matters–that a story makes me feel deeply. Whether with a single word or a hundred thousand.

I applaud authors who take up the challenge of doing that in as few words as possible. No author can understand how much of a challenge that is or the depth to which it can improve his writing in general unless he’s given it a try.

For the record, my story was, ‘All I said was, ‘Nice sweater.” -Suzanne Vincent (Editor-In-Chief)

As for me, I think that these stories work because they convey emotions vividly. In flash pieces this short, the urgency to be punchy is heightened and what better way to make something resonate then by making you feel? These stories also leave you with questions, so many questions that the mystery alone about what the possible answers can be, fill in the empty space that the lack of words may leave behind. The empty white space is a tempting creature that allows room for interpretation and in these short shorts, it’s a beautiful thing.

How do you feel about micro fiction? Have any of your own you’d like to share?

Cheers,

Mahjabeen Syed

Intern

flashfictiononline.com

Mahjabeen Syed graduated with her BA in Fiction Writing from Columbia College Chicago and is attempting to make it into the big leagues of writing. She resides in Chicago; the city of beauty and homicide but refuses to acknowledge it as, “Chi-raq.” She runs a blog titled, The Magic of Writing for ChicagoNow, primarily giving writing tips from professionals while other times ranting about why it’s so awkward for women to eat a banana while driving. She enjoys reading with her cat (singular) and insists that she is not a crazy cat lady because she has only one which makes her just plain old crazy.


If you enjoy Flash Fiction Online, consider subscribing or purchasing a downloadable copy. Your donations go a long way to paying our authors the professional rates they deserve. For only $0.99/issue that’s cheaper than a cup of coffee. Or subscribe for $9.99/year.

https://weightlessbooks.com/format/flash-fiction-online-12-month-subscription/

 

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Adopt-An-Author Day…

Today’s post isn’t about writing. I promise.  So all of you non-writerly dear hearts can stop your screaming conga line toward the exits now.  Because today’s for you.

Seriously.

Because if you have a writer friend and you’ve smelled them after a hardcore round of gushing the imaginary voices onto the page, then you know that they usually smell like a pigsty rolled in fermented sewage and liberally doused in eau-de-rotted-bacon.

And if you don’t have a writer friend but you like to read, you might be of a friendly species that thinks it would be cool to adopt a writer friend. Or two.  Or three.  Heck, maybe even a whole writing group.

Now, I can’t speak for all writers.  Only the ones that I know.  And not really even for them because I can’t crawl up inside their heads like the little dude inside John Malkovich’s noggin.  But for argument’s sake, I’m going to generalize my uber-favorite writer friends.  They’re just plain cuckoo…and my world wouldn’t be the same without them.

A serious writer needs to be adopted by a non-writer.  Just to keep them on a general societal path of well being and overall health.

1.  The Hermit - This is the writer whose story comes to her either in dribbles and drabs or all at once, but when the pieces fall into place, she MUST write the story.  Right then.  The outside world ceases to exist while the Hermit hides away in the window seat of her apartment until she’s pounded out all 125,000 words of her novel.  She will be covered in angry, hungry cats.  Her poor body will be emaciated from a diet of nothing but Sweetarts and coffee for possibly days on ends.  She’ll emerge reeking of sweat, oily hair, and victory, a completed manuscript saved on her trusty laptop.

insane-hungry-catsThe Hermit needs your help.  A chamber pot is high on the list.  Or you can throw cedar shavings around her feet if she won’t lift her bum high enough for the pot.  Feeding the cats avoids the menacing way they’ll eyeball your juicy calves as you try to walk past them.  And a little dry shampoo rubbed into the Hermit’s hair can go a long way to preventing dreadlocks.  I recommend large stacks of granola bars and vats of peanut butter piled around her work station.  And of course, when she emerges with aforementioned completed manuscript, she’ll repay your friendship with a euphoria like you’ve never seen from your quiet, hardworking writer friend.

2.  The Parental – Ahh.. these are the equivalent of modern day D&D sojourners.  The Parental writer has to navigate a sticky swamp of dirty diapers, squalling toddlers, angry tweens, and household duties before he can settle down to write.   The Parental has mental guilt like you can’t imagine.  Those childhood years are floating by faster than the Mississippi during storm season but his novel isn’t going to be any longer than 1000 words unless he writes more than a sentence a day.   And by the time he does, he’s usually exhausted, all the creativity sucked out of him by planning dinner with his wife, telling bedtime stories, and remembering to take out the trash.

Parentals need a friend who understands that a day off from familial commitments doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a big day out with the guys.  He might want a few hours of solitude to hunt and peck on the keyboard.  And that doesn’t make him any less of a dude for turning What-Do-When-Your-Kids-Running-Wilddown the kegstands.  It makes him a Parental writer.  So unless you’re prepared to be the friend who sits guard outside the office door and combs doll hair while the Parental puts in ear plugs and writes his manifesto, you better help your Parental friend carve out time for himself.  Respect his time.   Encourage him to do what he loves.  Write.

3.  The NonBeliever – Okay, so this is probably all writers.  Except maybe the Stephen King and JK Rowling.  They’re pretty sure they’ve made it.  But as for the rest of us, we’re convinced on a daily basis that we don’t have what it takes.  We’re constantly bombarded with dozens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of rejection notes before we get a single “yes” from a publisher.  Some writers go years without a “yes”.   So when the NonBeliever tells you she’s thinking of giving up, she’s just gotten another one of those pesky rejection letters.  Those things are a dime a dozen in this business.

Your job is to tell her that there’s a home for every story.  It’s just a matter of the right story, at the right place, at the right time, finding the right editor.

So maybe that’s stretching the literal truth a teensy bit but, shhhh, you’re a friend.  Tell her anyway.

4.  The Introvert’s Introvert – My favorite thing about being in a group of writers is the first time anyone tries to gather them into a circle.  They all shuffle around, usually making as little eye contact as possible, and invariable fall silent, with most of the group staring at their shoes.

Introverts are my favorite people.  Introverts rock.  They live inside their heads.  Their heads are crazy, amazing places so filled with color and life and ideas that they often have a hard time translating that to the outside.  So put them in a group and ask them to small talk?

…..crickets….

Your Introvert will often need you to be that safe person to go with him into the extroverted chaos that is the majority of our world.  Book signings, conventions, networking opportunities, heck… even meeting a new group of writers at the local coffee shop can sometimes be daunting.  So be that person.  Go along for the ride. Respect that the Introvert may not be comfortable in the same situations you are.  Or he might want to vent one-on-one in a way he might not be comfortable opening up in in a group.

Writers are like anyone else.  Perhaps a tad more eccentric.  We do hear voices in our head.  We plot murder and dispose of the bodies.  We make love to strangers in our mind.  We live a thousand different lives, speak in a hundred accents, and make up magical worlds.

But we couldn’t do it without the people in our lives who give us strength.

Our friends.

So go out and adopt an author today!

Much love,

Anna
Publisher,
Flash Fiction Online
annayeatts.com

clone-army

Haven’t I Met You Before?

Our last post dealt with women being typecast in reoccurring roles. But this one will be a bit more general. I’ve complied a list of a few characters that will fast track you to the rejection pile. They always have the same obstacles, and they slip in and out of our minds without leaving a mark.

The Struggling Writer. We all love writing here at FFO, and if you’re reading this I’m guessing you do too. Most of us are fiction writers just like most of you. And guess what? We’re all struggling. Yep. And I have it on good authority that even successful writers struggle. Why? Writing is an emotional grind. If you aren’t struggling then you aren’t doing it right.

So reading a story about a misunderstood author who waxes poetic about sunsets and sidewalks makes me want to scream! They should spend less time at the beach and more time with their butt in the seat.

The Shy Nerd. Confession: most of us here are nerds. And I’m guessing we all look at Revenge of the Nerds and see a battle cry that launched the revolution. But that was in the 1980’s. It’s a different world now. Nerds are successful. And now there is enough social media and conventions to form your very own gang of geeks in an hour. So writing a story where a shy nerd has to overcome an obstacle to demonstrate their value isn’t relevant any longer.

Try a story about shy jock with performance anxiety then we might get somewhere.

The Existential College Student. I attribute this to an excess of academic writing classes. At the time you’re probably discovering Franz Kafka and Ralph Ellison, it’s hard not to fall in with that crowd. We’re all a bit insecure with our place in this world. We all have the why-are-we-here questions.

You know what else we have?  We still have Ellison and Kafka to fill that need.

Fiction today, at least the kind we’re looking for at FFO, needs to focus on entertainment. You can go deep, but you better have a solid conflict to have us hooked by then.

Death Bed Declarations. I think this one is so popular because the deathbed is a hotbed for conflict. But you can also substitute car accident, bullet to the vitals, suicide, or any number of life ending scenarios. Inevitably these always have to do a lot of backtracking to make us care. They rarely hit that emotional core.

Why? Because other than an apology there isn’t much you can do on your deathbed to resolve anything. We read fiction to see people change, and if they change two minutes before death it comes across as pointless.

Reluctant Hero. This seems to be the new hero archetype in our culture. We see it all the time in books and films, usually done for comedy. And I confess that Matrim Cauthon, the epitome of a reluctant hero, is one of my all time favorite fictional characters. I don’t think this works in flash though. For a reluctant hero to work, they need to have enough redemptive values to balance their callous side. I can’t remember seeing it done effectively in just a thousand words. There simply isn’t enough time so the hero comes off as a jerk.

One last thing. I encourage you to use each one of these characters! Didn’t see that coming did you? But please, for the love of our sanity, take them in new directions.

Show us characters that break the mold!

Chris Phillips
Managing Editor
Flash Fiction Online
Buxom Bosoms and Chainmail Bras in Fiction...Or Not.

Buxom Bosoms and Chainmail Bras in Fiction…Or Not.

If I have to explain the title of this blog post, then you’ve probably been living on a different planet for, well, most of humanity.

Far too often in the slush pile, I read disturbingly violent stories about women.  Some even turn my stomach and leave me wondering how someone could write such a thing.

But most often, it’s the stereotypical female roles that overflow the slushpile.  Enough so that Suzanne (ie. Wielder of Great Editorial Power) recently updated the Flash Fiction Online submission guidelines with this little gem:

PLAYBOY: We’ve grown more than weary of stories in which women are objectified, little more than buxom prizes to be won or the targets of sexual victory or violence.  The same would also be true if we happened to receive a plethora of stories in which men are objectified in a similar manner.  But we don’t.  Come on, guys.  Take a leap into the 21st century.

So, a few hints on what’s definitely going to get you axed in the slushpile:

Betty Homemaker – she was created by Hollywood to glamorize women returning to their traditional roles when WWII vets needed jobs after returning stateside.  Betty doesn’t really exist.    Real women are complex and messy and have toddlers hanging on their ankles and answer the door in their yoga pants.  So when  women are written in the Betty Homemaker archetype, it immediately reads as false to anyone who’s ever had to pick smashed Cheerios out of her hair before a dinner party.

The Victim – weak and cowering, the Victim asked for violence in some way.  She made a bad decision — wrong place, wrong time; married the jerk; wore the short skirt; had too much to drink; left her door unlocked; went down the basement stairs alone…. The flip side of the Victim is always the Perpetrator (who usually gets some sick fantasy kick out of holding power over the Victim).

Little tip:  Women don’t exist in order to be controlled.   They are not a fallback plot device anytime you need someone to control or commit violence against.  Make someone/something else the victim for a change.
The Sexy Sidekick – her only job is to pop cleavage and make her man look good.  She might fire a few rounds off a high powered weapon  but she still isn’t a fully fleshed out character (except in ways that make her seams strain attractively under the male gaze).

Sexy Sidekick is also going to get your story axed in the first round.  She trivializes women who work hard, who get dirty and do what it takes.  Real women who throw down with the bad guys don’t need cleavage and fire engine red lipstick (unless they want to… and then, you go girl…) to prove both their strength and their femininity.

The Princess Prize – Ahhh… everyone’s favorite.  The hero suffers and toils.  He fights giants or his own depression, gets hit by a car or learns to walk over fire, and he’s rewarded by receiving the love of a woman.  He doesn’t have to woo her in any significant way.  He doesn’t have to get to know her, take her out for sushi, or cat sit her Siamese that won’t use the litter box.  Nope.  All he has to do is show up, wave around some dragon’s teeth, and she falls into his arms.

It’s not the Dark Ages anymore.  Daddy doesn’t get to hand over his daughter in exchange for watering rights to the neighbor’s land.  A wife isn’t a prize for winning at B-I-N-G-O.
Ladies, would you really want to spend a lifetime with some guy you met ten minutes ago?  Even if he did have a Gorgon head and well-muscled calves?

I thought not.

I have serious believability issues with the Princess Prize stories when they show up in my slushpile.  Hence, the first round rejection.

To be fair, I’m not just talking to the men here.  We get stories like this from men and women.  These female stereotypes are buried deep in our culture.  So I ask you, across gender lines, to think before you plot.  Re-examine your story’s casting.  Shake things up.

Rosie-the-Riveter

I believe in you.

Now go write me a story.  And submit!

Much love!

Anna
Publisher, FFO
annayeatts.com

 

 

 

 

Cover Letters 102

 

A few days ago Anna posted a blog about Cover Letters 101. So if you haven’t read that go there now…

http://flashfictiononline.com/flashblog/2014/03/cover-letters-101.html 

Done?

Okay. Now I guess we’ll have to call this one Cover Letters 102.  It’s basically a rant, but a good intentioned rant I assure you.

I’ll start by treading on some familiar ground. A good cover letter is like a calm bus ride home… utterly forgettable. It is only a way to convey information like we discussed in the previous post and make a polite impression. It is nearly impossible to do otherwise and succeed.
Don’t try to be clever. Don’t EVER use puns. If an editor has been reading for hours and then they get to your pun filled laugh riot of a cover letter it will only make them scowl. Not a good way to start.

The only exception would be an anthology or a call for a specific type of story: circus clowns in a prison riot for example. Then you can delve into your background as a prison guard and throw in some jokes about your life as a standup comicSpuggy The Clown behind bars at Perth prison 1991-1412422. But in that case you know your audience. For a general cover letter I would advise on the short and forgettable side. Try for the IKEA of cover letters. 

A lot of people list every magazine they’ve ever sold to (or even read in some cases). We touched on this in 101, but it’s so prevalent that we all need a review. If you have any credits then by all means list up to five. Did you hear that? FIVE. All too often though I see paragraphs of EXIF_JPEG_T422credits listing magazines I’ve never heard of. Do they exist? Probably. But I’m not going to waste time finding out. And listing more than five is like too much frosting on a birthday cake, it sort of ruins the experience and makes it appear as if you’re trying to cover something up (bad presents I’m guessing).

Don’t say you wrote this in a writing class either. This one comes in cycles and is usually followed with, “My professor MADE me do this.” Nothing is worse than reading a story somebody had to submit because somebody else made them do it. I know this is a way to prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection that you think is coming, but who knows? You might get a sale. Just don’t tell us that you’re doing this against your will.

Never mention your pets or children even if they are featured in your submission. I’m sure they are lovely. I’m sure you have a great family life and they inspire you to be the best you can be. I bet your cat likes to eat the dog food, right? But you wouldn’t bring them to a job interview. So lets leave them out of this and put our professional hats on.

And never give the magazine ultimatums or try for pity. Don’t tell the editors that you will stop writing if we don’t accept your story. Don’t tell us you’re dying and your lifelong dream is to become an author. On a human level, I’m sorry you don’t have the grit, and I’m sorry that you’re dying. But no publication would sacrifice their integrity because of pity.

But take a deep breath because most of you are doing fine. This is part of the reason the bad ones stick out so much. It’s like a drive down speedBumpthe interstate and suddenly hitting a speed bump, amazement followed closely by annoyance as the misguided cover letter makes us swerve to the shoulder.

Good luck and happy writing!
 
-Chris Phillips

Chris Phillips is the Managing Editor of Flash Fiction Online and a slush reading machine.  He was born in Danville, Kentucky, but being the son of a traveling preacher, he grew up across the country from the Midwest to the Deep South, devouring a buffet of American culture. In 2007 he earned an English degree from Ohio State, and now he lives in Newark, Ohio. You can find him at chrisphillipsauthor.com.

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Cover Letters 101

Or…”Don’t Shoot Yourself in the Foot Before You’ve Even Gotten Started”

So I have a small confession to make:  we here at FFO have a Wall of Shame.  Yep.  Sure do.  And on it are the cover letters  (names redacted… we’re not *that* heartless) that make us weep, pull our hair out, or basically snort coffee through our noses in disbelief.

How do you know if you’re on our Wall of Shame?  Chances are, you’re not.  At this point in our collective careers, we’ve seen and heard a lot of craziness so it takes a doozie to make the wall.  But statistically speaking, someone reading this now… well.. yeah, you in the yellow shirt… ahem… we need to make a few things clear.

1.  What a professional cover letter should be:

It’s a quick, clean note attached to your manuscript that basically lists your publication credits (if any).  For example:

Dear Ms Vincent,

Please consider my previously unpublished, 600 word story “The Best Thing You’ve Ever Read” for publication in Flash Fiction Online. 

My short fiction has appeared in This Magazine and That Magazine.  I attended a Very Fancy Writing Workshop.

OR

I am currently unpublished.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

An Aspiring Writer

See how easy that was?

2.  A cover letter should fit the submission guidelines for the magazine you’re sending it to.

We don’t want any of the following:  your entire life history, everything you’ve published since you were six (ie. technical or medical journal publication credits much less your stint on the high school newspaper), a synopis of your story, photographs, a link to your blog or an invitation to check out your latest self-pubbed novel.

3.  A cover letter is not a place to schmooze.

We know we rock.  Thanks.

4.  A cover letter is not the place to tell us how awesome you are and how your story is going to revolutionize fiction.  Nor should you have to explain the premise of your story or give any background to make your story comprehensible.

Let the story speak for itself.  We’re going to read it.  Promise.  If it’s that good, we’ll notice.

If your 1000 word story needs 1000 words of contextual background crammed into a cover letter so we can understand the super cool alien tech going on in your plot, there’s something wrong with your story.

But usually, if you have to *tell* us it’s that good?  Well, you know… this is awkward…but it’s not usually all that and a bag of chips.

5.  A cover letter is not the place to tell us how awful you are as a writer.

Yep.  If you say you suck as a writer, we tend to agree.

6.  And it definitely is not the place to solicit the editorial staff for submissions to your own magazine, try to sell us something, ask if we have back copies of a story you submitted to us eons ago, or ask if troglodytes really live in caves.

Basically, stick to the point.  Otherwise, don’t put it in the cover letter.

Otherwise, you’ll end up on the Wall of Shame.  And who wants that?

So keep submitting.  But write a clean, professional cover letter.  For all of our sakes.  And sanity.

Much love,

Anna
Publisher, FFO
annayeatts.com

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The Hollywood Formula — Flash Style!

Today, Nancy DiMauro, FFO staff, blogger, and writer, breaks down the infamous Hollywood Formula:

I have a confession to make. I’m not a natural short story writer. I have to fight to keep myself from haring off after one plot thread or another. Writing short fiction is hard. So, I look for anything that helps me confine a story into the appropriate length and still have it be a story. One of the reasons we reject a submission at Flash Fiction Online (http://flashfictiononline.com) is that it’s only a scene, not a story.

So, how do you fit all the necessary story elements into 1000 words?

Writing Excuses (http://writingexcuses.com) did a podcast on the “Hollywood Formula” in Season 6. Lou Anders (http://louanders.com) visited the podcast and talked about how his mentor, Dan Decker, divided any story into its three parts (beginning, middle, end). I recommend you check out the entire Writing Excuses podcast at http://www.writingexcuses.com/2011/10/02/writing-excuses-6-18-hollywood-formula/.

The short version of the Hollywood Formula: a story generally has three main characters and three parts. The three characters are the Protagonist, the Antagonist, and Dynamic or Relationship character. In a non-modified formula the first act takes about 1/4 of your word count, the second has 1/2, and the third has the final 1/4. In a Flash Fiction story that means roughly 250 words for the beginning, 500 for the middle and 250 for the ending.

Certain story benchmarks happen in each act. In the first act, you introduce the three main character and what they want. About a tenth of the way into the first act (or at about 25 -30 words), the protagonist makes the fateful decision. I think of this as the red light moment. If the protagonist says no, the story’s over. Do not go past “go”, do not collect $200. In Flash, you probably have until about 100 words for the protagonist to make that choice. BUT the protagonist must make a choice.

In the middle, the protagonist needs to be asking and answering questions. This section starts about 1/2 way through the first act (or 120-130 words) and ends about 1/2 way through the second act (word 500). Once the protagonist knows what the questions are, he needs to start answering them.

Right about word 650 or so the protagonist hits his “low point” – the place in the story where things are at their worst and he’s as far from his goal as he could be. Act II closes around word 750.

From the “low point” to the end is the final battle. In this act, the protagonist must defeat his antagonist, obtain his goal, and reconcile with the relationship character. The closer these events happen to each other, the more emotional impact your story will have.

But wait, you say, my short story only has two characters, does that mean I need to add someone else?

No. The three act pattern should get modified based on your story. Some stories are all about the final battle. Some are all about asking and answering questions. But, a story needs to include all these elements. Stories that fall flat are missing part of the formula. If you can’t find these elements, you might have a scene, not a story. Now you know why short stories, and flash fiction in particular, are so hard to write. But you can do it. I know you can.

Nancy DiMauro is a writer, blogger, and Flash Fiction Online staff member. If you can get a story past Nancy, you’re golden. And whatever you do, don’t use “alright”. It’s “all right”. You’ve been warned. You can find more of Nancy’s writing advice as well as links to her own fiction at http://nancydimauro.blogspot.com.

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