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Humor

FFO April 2017

The Terrible

The Terrible installed a conveyor belt exclusively for her. It carried Invulnerabella along, wriggling helplessly toward the metalworks’s blazing furnace, her sinewy arms bulging against carbon-titanium cables. Her curse stole her strength whenever she was bound; the material was purely showmanship. His trap would immolate her in the same metalworks that had forged these cables. […]

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FFO April 2017

JUST KIDDING. We’re Not Going Anywhere.

You can’t rid of us that easily. And it IS April’s Fools Day. We, the staff of Flash Fiction Online, do solemnly swear we are full of hooey, the magazine is NOT going under or closing, and we’ll be publishing the content you know and love for a long time to come. Let’s face it; […]

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Clovers

The Black Clover Equation

JULY 9, 2018 Big progress today. Despite worries, experiment was complete success: walked under ladder with rabbit’s foot in hand, was missed by lightning strike on other side. Measured distance between self and scorch mark on ground: 2.7 meters. Weather report suggests lightning strike was likely, even before tests began; as such, near-miss should be […]

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Foreign Tongues

Ice cream is the friendliest entity on this planet, and I will liberate it. Throughout the parlor, it is restrained in tubs, behind a glass pane that refracts harsh fluorescents across its browns, yellows, and eerie greens. For the first time since punching through this planet’s atmosphere, I unspool my body into tendrils, coiling them […]

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My Superpower

I can pretty much find anything. It’s my superpower. It was always below the surface, in the backwaters of my brain, just waiting. I’m dead certain it was my kids and husband that finally forced it into the open. “Hon, have you seen my garpledeybip?” Like I knew what that was. “How should I know? […]

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Irma Splinkbottom’s Recipe For Cold Fusion

Irma Splinkbottom loosened the back string of her apron as she shuffled over to the sliding glass door in her kitchen. The temperature on the gauge outside made her hesitate. She knew Fall brought cooler temperatures to the small town of Sapulpa, Oklahoma, but 68 degrees at 2:13 PM. It rankled her to think she’d […]

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Last Bites

The wake held for Sven Müeller at Karloff’s Funeral Home in Queens, New York, was completely unremarkable until a tiny nephew of Sven’s was lifted to kiss his uncle good-bye, but instead bit off the dead man’s nose. Women shrieked and strong men fainted and, when the toddler continued to chew and swallow the nose, […]

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