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Humor

Foreign Tongues

Ice cream is the friendliest entity on this planet, and I will liberate it. Throughout the parlor, it is restrained in tubs, behind a glass pane that refracts harsh fluorescents across its browns, yellows, and eerie greens. For the first time since punching through this planet’s atmosphere, I unspool my body into tendrils, coiling them […]

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My Superpower

I can pretty much find anything. It’s my superpower. It was always below the surface, in the backwaters of my brain, just waiting. I’m dead certain it was my kids and husband that finally forced it into the open. “Hon, have you seen my garpledeybip?” Like I knew what that was. “How should I know? […]

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Irma Splinkbottom’s Recipe For Cold Fusion

Irma Splinkbottom loosened the back string of her apron as she shuffled over to the sliding glass door in her kitchen. The temperature on the gauge outside made her hesitate. She knew Fall brought cooler temperatures to the small town of Sapulpa, Oklahoma, but 68 degrees at 2:13 PM. It rankled her to think she’d […]

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Last Bites

The wake held for Sven Müeller at Karloff’s Funeral Home in Queens, New York, was completely unremarkable until a tiny nephew of Sven’s was lifted to kiss his uncle good-bye, but instead bit off the dead man’s nose. Women shrieked and strong men fainted and, when the toddler continued to chew and swallow the nose, […]

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Pêlos

Lydia turned out the light, picked up her backpack, and opened her window. She was expecting the gust of cool night air, the smell of freedom, and the call of the dance floor. She was not expecting the shower of gold. “Ow!” She threw her pack up as a shield from the heavy, glittering hail. […]

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ZigZag Strikes Again

Very elliptical years, the 57th Century, or “Years of the Cat.” Practically nobody uses sentences. Anymore. Very eccentric. Tell story. Am Time Bum. Name of ZigZag, honorable family, agent, sex-linkages. Manipulator and explorer of paraHistory via the Leonardo. Journey to the Age of Styrofoam, the Coke Bottle Century, my favorite time, the 20th, when Giants […]

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The Numbers Game

“Fell Sorcerer, your evil reign is at an end!” Sathrus said. He flicked his long blonde hair to one side and raised the Sword of Khandalon above his head, rippling muscles ready to strike the fatal blow. “As sole heir to the ancient line of Khandar, I shall take my rightful place as King, and […]

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