Issue 101 February 2022

Table of Contents

Sheep and bird

A Lumberjack’s Guide to Dryad Spotting

by Charles Payseur

January 1, 2017

Lumberjack chopping down a dryad
Illustration by Dario Bijelac

It’s spring when you arrive, or what passes for it in the Northwoods. The ground is still frozen because otherwise, you’d have to wait months for it to dry to get all the equipment in. It’s cold and your knuckles split from having to swing the axe in the dry air, but it beats Milwaukee. Beats packing meat and avoiding the mean looks and having to fight for an extra blanket at the boarding house. It’s just a skeleton crew this early, you and ten others and not even a real camp because you have to build it before the others can arrive. But it’s extra pay and you don’t mind the work or the company. You’re paired off in tents and Holstegg and you have found excellent ways of staying warm.

The first thing you need to look for is the flower. Every dryad has one that blooms year round, even in this snow-blasted place. They hide them, though, so you have to look closely, circle each tree in a slow dance of intent. Sometimes it’s only the smallest of things, a snow-white bloom where there should be only evergreen. Or a splash of fire red in a sea of oak.

Holstegg tells you of life on a farm, twelve siblings, and no neighbors for a day in any direction. You shiver and he pulls you to him, his chest broad and his blond beard tickling the back of your neck. And he tells you the stories his parents would weave of the old country, of magic and witches and talking bears. You ask if there were any blond ones and the sound of his laughter echoes through the camp.

The second thing is the slow breathing. All trees breathe, and you’ll be able to see it if you’re around them long enough, but dryad breath is different, escapes out through a single concealed mouth, and if you wait long enough you’ll see the heat of it fog the crisp air.

You bathe in a cold stream and sometimes Holstegg has to break the thin sheet of ice with a rock. Never an axe, he knows, because that would promote rust. You try to wash yourself clean but sex still tastes like pine sap and sweat. It’s the happiest you’ve ever been. The other men at camp know full well what you’re about, you and Holstegg, but most of them believe it’s just something men do out here, in the woods. That it’s some sort of skin you’ll remove when you get back to where you can buy a woman and a hot meal. And the others, the others who seem to see in your eyes the same desperation you see in theirs, they laugh right along despite the tightness in their chests.

The third thing is that dryads thirst for human blood. Take off your gloves and rub your knuckles against the bark and the dryad will shudder in delight. This is the easiest way to tell but also the most dangerous, and should only be used as a final confirmation after you have strong suspicions and have checked for the other signs. Dryads can, if pressed, uproot and move, attack when threatened. You must be careful.

True spring comes, and then summer and the rest of the jacks. The camp is full and you and Holstegg are allowed to keep your tent. With so many people there’s more danger now and your voices are not so loud when you speak, and there is fear hiding in the lilts of your laughter. Still, it is better than the city, better than anything you have known. Does it matter that it seems more fragile than a poplar, likely to fall over from a strong wind or bounding deer? Does it matter that autumn looms and beyond that winter and a return to everyone you want to escape?

A dryad heart will fetch three hundred dollars if you sell it to the right shops in Milwaukee. The wood from its body will bring in another fifty dollars a yard. It never rots so you can bury it to avoid the lumber boss’ watchful eye, can return right after the season ends, right before the cold freezes it in the ground. Dryad tears can be jarred and are worth nearly a hundred dollars a quart. If you’re busy enough you can make enough in a single year to live off for the rest of your life.

You have a dream. You and Holstegg buy a farm and live there and nothing bad ever happens. No neighbors mean no fires in the night. No scrawling messages on the sides of buildings. No sermons aimed at your hearts. You just need enough money for the land and the necessities. You just need a little help…

You stand with your bloody knuckles against the bark, listening to the soft moan of the wood beneath. The axe almost feels light in your opposite hand. You lean forward so your lips are nearly brushing where its mouth is hidden, where every so often a gust of warm air washes over your face.

“Come away with me,” you say, and you whisper your dream, of a small home ringed by tall shadows. Not safe but safer. Not perfect but beautiful. And the rest of the camp will wake one morning to find you gone, and Holstegg too, and upturned earth where certain trees once stood.

Comments

  1. Jlandry says:
    A rather interesting piece, and unique. It was informative yet filled with a wistful imagery that painted a lovely picture. Quite well done.
  2. jeromestueart says:
    Beautifully done.  BEARS!  Nice to see the parallel between the endangered relationship and the endangered trees. Nice to see them save each other.  Thank you.  As a bear myself, it’s nice to see us, and in such a good story.

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Editorial: Love All Ways

by Emma Munro

February 1, 2022

This month, Flash Fiction Online celebrates love. Our stories are all about characters making decisions in the name of love. Each situation is different, as are the responses of the characters making their decisions about familial love, platonic love, romantic love, and even magical love.

In “Fried Rice” by Shih-Li Kow (Available 2/4/2022), “Gently, Cook, I thought to myself. Gently does it.”  Author Shih-Li Kow chose a subtle path to reveal how a family expressed their love for each other through food.

Jonathan Helland’s “Reading the Omens” (Available 2/11/2022) follows a devastated seer as he attempts to reconnect with the woman he loves when war separates them, possibly forever.

FFO alumnus Beth Goder offers a heartwarming story in “The Appliance Crisis.” (Available 2/18/2022)

And our reprint this month is “A Lumberjack’s Guide to Dryad Spotting” by Charlies Payseur. When love means persecution, then survival at any cost is the only solution. Or is it?

NEWS

Emma Munro

Editor-in-Chief; Flash Fiction Online

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Fried Rice

by Shih-Li Kow

February 4, 2022

I came home to Dad yelling at our CookBot again. There was a wok of fried rice on the stove.

Dad said, “The damn machine can’t get it right. The garlic goes in when the oil is hot, not with the oil. And the ginger should be chopped fine. Really fine.”

Cook said, “Please define ‘really fine’ quantitatively.”

“Fine means fine. Go look it up, you piece of junk.”

We’ve had Cook for a month now. Ever since Mom died, Dad’s been trading one obsession for another. After periods of relentless exercising, house cleaning, and cataloging of Mom’s books, he’s now fixated on perfecting Cook’s fried rice. We’ve had fried rice every day for two weeks.

I helped myself to a plate and started eating. “It’s good, Dad. Better than yesterday.”

Cook said, “Thank you for your praise, Marta. Flavor profile is a 93% match versus original sample. This exceeds the average human detection of 85% minimum match for carbohydrate-based recipes.”

Dad said, “It’s not just about the flavor. You have to cook it right. If you can’t make fried rice, how are we going to move on to other dishes?”

“Progression does not need to be linear,” said Cook.

I said, “Shut down, Cook. We’ll talk later.”

Cook retracted his pneumatic arms and rolled to his charging station beside the fridge. The display screen on his chest went black but I had a feeling he was still listening.

“Seriously, Dad, arguing with a bot?”

“Who else am I going to argue with? You’re out all the time.”

If I could, I would just eat my way through Cook’s three hundred pre-loaded five-star recipes. The ones I had tried were all delicious although it had felt like a betrayal at first, missing Mom but not her food. The problem was Dad.

Mom had refused to stop cooking before she died. She filled our two fridges and chest freezer with labelled plastic containers of everything she could think of cooking. Dad chipped away at the frozen food like it was gold, feeding samples into Cook’s analyzer to deconstruct and reproduce. Every attempt was declared a failure despite the flavor profile matching. I was starting to think it’d been a mistake getting a Cookbot, that it’d given Dad an excuse for not moving on.

Later that night, I went into the kitchen. “Wake up, Cook.”

Cook’s screen came on. “Hello. Would you like a snack?”

“I wouldn’t mind a roti if you have some dal curry.”

“Dal curry is available. Your meal will be ready in twelve minutes. Calorie count is three hundred and sixty.”

“You didn’t need to tell me that.”

“Instruction to provide calorie information for snacks was given on August first.”

Cook took a dough ball from the fridge. He stretched it into a thin, rubbery skin, flipped and twirled it in the air before folding and patting it into shape on the hot griddle with his tong hands.

I said, “How many fried rice recipes do you have, Cook?”

“Seven. One was dictated by your father.”

“Please add this to Dad’s recipe. Chop garlic and ginger into fine pieces of not more than one millimeter in size. Heat oil in wok until smoking. Add chopped garlic and ginger. Sauté until fragrant. Did you get that, Cook? Can you tell when it’s fragrant?”

“Yes. My olfactory sensors can detect increased concentrations of allicin and gingerol compounds in the air around the stove. That is what you define as fragrant.”

“How do we solve this problem with Dad? I don’t want to be eating fried rice for the rest of the year.”

“Please define the problem. I have made fried rice for sixteen consecutive days. The repetition is unacceptable according to my nutrition planning algorithm.”

“OK, here’s the problem. Dad wants fried rice to taste like Mom’s. Flavor profile is matched, but Dad is not satisfied. He’s hurting. You are not Mom. You can’t cook like Mom.”

“Concise problem statement is ‘You are not Mom’. Please describe Mom.”

Cook said that he would search his database of cooking styles. I couldn’t imagine it working, but I started telling him about Mom over my roti. I told him about the childhood foods she used to talk about; what she fed me when I was a child; the one-pot meals she cooked because she was always rushing between her two jobs; what she made with leftovers; the way she always ruined fish and overcooked steak; how her cakes were always damp at the bottom and burnt at the sides; and how, when her taste buds deteriorated, her cooking was either too bland or over-seasoned.

Just talking about Mom was a relief and Cook was a good listener. The sound waves of my voice dancing on his screen gave shape to the void she had left behind.

The next day, I came home to fried rice again. Dad was eating quietly. Cook was silent in his corner.

This time, the fried rice looked carelessly cooked. It was lumpy with bits of charred garlic, the egg pieces were rubbery, and there was a heat in the rice that tasted of the wok. It needed extra soya sauce. It was, in fact, exactly like something Mom would have made when she was in a hurry.

I said, “How did you do it, Cook?”

Cook said, “You described Mom as a person with many distractions and unreliable taste buds. I modelled an imperfect two-star skill level chef who likes to cook on high heat with reduced time in wok.”

Dad smiled into his plate. He looked close to tears. “That sounds about right. That sounds like her.”

“Dad, I think we should let go of the fried rice now. We need to try something new. You ready for stir fry, Cook?”

“I have been ready since I left the factory.” His screen flickered and a menu with pictures of stir-fried dishes started scrolling.

Gently, Cook, I thought to myself. Gently does it.

PATREON EXCLUSIVE: INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR SHIH-LI KOW

FFO: How did the idea for this story germinate?

Shih-Li Kow: I had been reading nanny bot stories and I was thinking about how we expect domestic tech to keep simplifying our lives and take chores off our minds. I’m not good in the kitchen and I decided to write about a cookbot.

Additional reading took me to the Norimaki Synthesizer, a gadget built for research which simulates any flavor based on the five basic taste elements. The extrapolated idea that the art of food preparation could, in future, be replaced by precisely manipulating a handful of taste elements is rather jarring. Even for a lazy cook like me, this feels too clinical for something as personal as food. Will we then find the non-taste elements, including the imperfections, to be the most emotional aspects of a dish, and will a clever machine be able to recreate that? This was at the back of my mind when I wrote “Fried Rice.”

Comments

  1. Tanya Klimenko says:
    Very exquisite to connect technology and the psyche and make the reader synthesized with the fried rice flavor! Enjoyed it!
  2. lelai says:
    whats the theme of this story pls answer quickly i need it for my ela class

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Reading the Omens

by Jonathan Helland

February 11, 2022

A field mouse ran from the shadow of a hawk while the wind blew warm from the west. A slender cloud passed in front of the sun and the wind turned chill. The seer watched. The omens were clear. As they had been yesterday and the day before that. War was coming, and soon.

He turned his face in the direction of the village that raised him and the forests where he learned his craft. A ridge of high hills, not quite mountains, separated him from there. From her.

There were so many unsaid things he wished he could say to her. But how, before the armies fell upon this valley like a spring flood? How, before their two villages became separated by a new border that would remain hostile for a generation?

Perhaps, the omens? She was as skilled a seer as he, but omens were read. They were not written. Not by a man, alone, a valley away.

* * *

They had learned to read the omens together. Side-by-side, they had walked behind the old man along the deer trails and hunter’s paths on the wooded hillsides. They would not fit on those trails today, not side-by-side, since he had grown shoulders and she had grown hips.

“There,” the old man would say as a jackdaw took flight from a dying elm. “There,” he’d say of a cloud the shape of a sleeping bear or the skull of a fox, not quite picked clean by beetles.

Then he’d ask, “what does it mean?” and they would try to tell him.

He would never tell them what they had done wrong, what to do differently, how to read the omens better. Reading them required the weaving together of associations, imagination, and intuition in a way that could be learned but never taught.

By the time they had grown to an age where shoulder and hip had sometimes bumped on the trail, an age where their proximity to each other became a subtle but persistent distraction, they had become so good at their craft they didn’t need to have any thoughts at all. Seeing the omen and knowing its meaning were one and the same act, done in an instant.

It had been this very skill that had undone them. A village does not need two seers to tell them when to plant or to warn them of a coming frost, so he had been sent away to read the omens in the next valley over. He received a cottage of his own and a share of every harvest. The village that raised him and trained him had received a breeding pair of sheep to replenish their flock. She had stayed behind to take over for the old man.

The last time he saw her, they had spoken no words but had read a thousand omens in each other’s bodies. They would meet again, he had thought, at markets and festivals. They would speak then.

But now, he knew, they would not.

* * *

He pondered how he might write an omen that she might read. Not about the coming war or its consequences. She would know those as well as he.

But there would have been no omens to tell her all the other things he’d have her know. How he felt about the distance between them and about the greater separation the war would bring. His willingness to do the unthinkable for her, to betray his new village, his duties and obligations, to run away with her to some other place.

There was a danger, he feared, in thinking too much and too deeply about omens. Would he unlearn the easy way he read them now? Would he kill what dwelt under his mind by uprooting it to examine it with his thoughts?

He would have to create an omen the same way he read them. Unthinkingly, guided by instinct and intuition.

He found a place that reminded him of her. A deer trail on a wooded hillside where, as children, they might once have been able to stand side-by-side. A place full of life where soft green light filtered through the leaves.

A squirrel ran clockwise around an old white oak and warned him of heavy rains and the coming war. A swallow darted after an insect above him and warned him of a hot summer and the coming war. The single muddy footprint of a wolf in his path warned him of a late harvest and the coming war. He ignored them all.

Instead, he made himself feel every fathom that stretched between him and her. Every day apart now stretching before them. All his regrets of things unspoken and his secret hopes that now seemed impossible. And when he felt these things as strongly as he could, he let out a yell, a scream, a howl that carried those feelings into the trees.

At the sound of his scream, a fawn leapt from its hiding place in the nearby brush, and a flock of black birds burst into the air, their wings beating like a hailstorm. He watched as they circled higher and turned east. If they stayed true, she’d see them flying over her valley, or maybe the fawn would wander there and she’d see it drinking from a cold stream, far from its mother. And surely, then, she would read the omen of his heart.

He picked his way back down the trail toward his cottage. He went slowly this time, content. It was almost sunset when a small brown hare paused directly in his path. This, he knew, was the omen of her answer. The hare looked at him but did not flee. It turned back toward the hills and paused, as if inviting him to follow.

PATREON EXCLUSIVE: THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY BY AUTHOR JONATHAN HELLAND

I was living in China, working at an international school, when the pandemic hit. Naturally, this meant that I had to cancel my plans to see my loved ones in the US (including my partner of 11 years) during the summer of 2020, and, though I didn’t know it yet, that I wouldn’t be able to see them over the winter holidays, either. For much of that year, what was on my mind was the question “should I break my contract and leave a job that I love, in order to go home to the people I love.”

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The Appliance Crisis

by Beth Goder

February 18, 2022

I was having an eat-an-entire-pack-of-Oreos type of day because I’d stepped on my glasses getting out of bed, Ernest had accidentally tossed my algebra textbook into a puddle, and the magic toaster was acting up again.

The toaster gleamed menacingly, its dial turned to the burn-everything-to-a-crisp setting.

I slammed a piece of bread inside. “Just give me toast this time,” I said.

A swarm of eggplants popped out, one after another, splattering on the floor. The toaster knows I hate eggplant.

It’s bad enough being the guardian of a magical toaster that no one knows about, but it’s even worse when it spits up random stuff that your mom then blames you for. (Like, I am sorry that a storm cloud rained all over the kitchen and ruined your favorite tea cozy, but it wasn’t me. It was the toaster!)

I tried again. “Toast?” I begged.

The toaster spat out melted candy hearts. A bunch got stuck in my hair, and a blue one splattered on my glasses (which were held together by masking tape).

Why had I agreed to look after this infuriating toaster?

“I am going to leave you at the dump,” I muttered. The toaster and I both knew this wasn’t true. If I didn’t give the toaster a weekly supply of bread, it would eat other things—stop signs, endangered animals, headphones that belong to your sister which she then blames you for losing. (Ask me how I know.) I had a moral imperative to keep the world safe from this toaster, which meant not ditching it in the lot behind that restaurant that sells fried fish, which the toaster would have totally deserved.

The doorbell rang. I peeked out the window. Ernest stood on my porch, looking sheepish.

In a panic, I scooped eggplants into the trash and pulled candy goop from my hair. I’ve had a thing for Ernest since the fifth grade, when he climbed a tree to save a kitten. We sit next to each other in band (I’m first clarinet, he plays the oboe), and we had just started to become friends based on a love of rock climbing and our mutual hatred of percussionists who do not know how to tune timpani, and so spend the entire band period changing the pitch of the timpani while quietly saying “oh man.”

I opened the door, and there was Ernest in his button-down shirt and cute glasses looking like a flustered demi-god, whereas I was covered in eggplant.

“I’m sorry about your textbook,” he said in a rush. “Is it ruined?” Until that moment, I had forgotten about my algebra book, which was sulking soggily on the kitchen counter.

I was having trouble forming cogent thoughts, so I shrugged. What I wanted to say was, I would sacrifice any number of textbooks for you. Let’s run away together from this life of drudgery and recalcitrant toasters.

“I was thinking we could try blow-drying it,” said Ernest.

The toaster made a sound like a mix between a screech and a growl. It was still hungry.

“What’s that?” asked Ernest.

“Just our toaster. It acts up a lot. Maybe if I shove it into the cupboard, it will quiet down.”

This was what happened when a magical item imprinted on you. You had to care for it, clean up its messes, and let it ruin your love life.

We went to the kitchen. (Big mistake.) The toaster crashed to the floor and lunged for Ernest’s shoe. I grabbed the bag of bread.

“Not now, toaster,” I said under my breath, but the toaster had no sense of loyalty or self-preservation. The growling continued.

I shoved a piece of bread into the slot.

I was hoping that the toaster wouldn’t do anything weird in front of Ernest. After all, when I’d tried to show my mom our crazy magical toaster that would eat anything when you weren’t looking, even earrings that your daughter definitely had not borrowed, and spit out things like tubas and maps of Switzerland, it had popped up perfectly toasted bread.

However, the toaster hated me, and so a flurry of snowflakes exploded from the slot.

Ernest and I stood there, soaked.

“I can explain,” I said, although I had no idea how I would explain anything. “I am usually not this weird.”

Why was it that when I wanted the toaster to reveal its powers, it stayed distressingly normal, but as soon as a cute guy came over, the toaster went all magical? Did the toaster know something about Ernest that I didn’t?

Ernest blinked and sputtered. He took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt, then put them back on. When he looked at me and grinned, I almost fell over because his smile is like witnessing one thousand fireworks going off all at once.

“You have a magical appliance, too?” he asked. “I thought I was the only one.” He lowered his voice. “Sometimes, my dishwasher does this weird portal thing, only no one believes me.”

Not only was Ernest the most amazing guy ever (like, I could listen to him play that Prokofiev solo all day), but a magical item had imprinted on him, too. And I never would have known if my toaster hadn’t started acting up. Was the toaster, for once, actually trying to help me?

As Ernest and I cleaned up the snow, he told me about the strange worlds he’d visited through his dishwasher. Ocean worlds with crystal fish, sun-baked deserts sprouting vermillion and crimson cacti with needles that stretched to the sky, forest bubbles floating in a magenta sea. “I could take you to see one,” he said. Melted snow sparkled in his hair. “Want to go now?”

Did I want to frolic in a magical land with the guy I had been crushing on for years?

This was the best day.

Before we left, I whispered to the toaster, “When I get back, I’m giving you infinite bread.”

PATREON EXCLUSIVE: BEHIND-THE-SCENES INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR BETH GODER

FFO: What other work of yours would fans of this story most enjoy?
BG: I have a couple of other stories that fall into the same sort of funny, silly, feel-good category. “Murder or a Duck” is another fun story of mine, with time travel, general silliness, and a wife who just wants to find her husband. I also think “Make Your Own Happily Ever After” (appearing in Trenchcoats, Towers, and Trolls in 2022), which is a cyberpunk fairy tale based on Cinderella, has a similar sort of feel, especially for people who enjoy a romance element to their stories.

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